Someone Needs to Confiscate Alvaro Clemente's Webcam!!!

So thanks to my friend Shari (fellow blogger, you can check her out here) and my bredrin Jovi for tagging me in the comment section, I discovered the strange phenomenon that is Alvaro Clemente.

It started with this HIGHLY disturbing but utterly hilarious video that had me dying with UNCONTROLLABLE laughter that led me to legit tears. I was laughing for like 10 minutes non-stop (I would insert video here of me laughing, but I think my sister has it... Check back later and it may/may not be here)

See it for yourself:

I don't know who told this man he could sing, cause whoever did needs to un-tell the lie right now! The man even believe seh him cudda sing Gangnam Style! GANGNAM STYLE ENUH!!! (I should probably blame myself for taking the time to actually go find more of this man's "music")

As if that wasn't bad enough, idk what Adele did to him, mek him feel seh him much butcher off fi har song too! I will never think of Someone Like You the same way again :'(

From his youtube account, I gather Clemente is from Venezuela and probably so bored in retirement that he has nothing to do other than to make awful (and sometimes funny) music. If you check his description, clearly he believes he's good, as he says (his words in bold):

"ALVARO CANTA (sings--yay I remember something from Spanish! \o/) Successes (SUCCESSES?!), melodies of always (LMAO, I've never heard this term, I should use that, "melodies of always" loool), which I dedicate to all you, friends and friends with a lot of pleasure and satisfaction

ALVARO CLEMENTE greets them"

He has seventy three videos. SEVENTY THREE!!! 73 !!! I will pay someone to find him, destroy his laptop and prevent him from ever getting another one.

Wait deh! Him alla have twitter ----> https://twitter.com/alvaroclemente with basically 700 followers! And mi cyaa even pass 140?! (you should follow me btw, @TheAlwayneAllen; https://twitter.com/THEAlwayneAllen)

Bwoy, ah doe know! I really doe know! Just watch the first video on this post yaa man...

*insert constipated face here* "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!" *dies*

I. AM. TIRED.

*Yawn* *stretches* you would think that 12:30am to 7:12am is enough sleep right? Why do I feel sooooo tired?! And I can't even put my head on the desk in this place, next thing the customers come see I an' I and start cuss bout how government a pay people fi sleep! (As if they don't already cuss while people are working anyway! You should hear the things they say in this place!)
8:30-5:00 are some LOOOOONG hours. Worse when you factor in the time you have to wake up to reach work early or on time for those hours. Then there's the fact that desk jobs are pretty dull too, and I'm pretty sure I may need glasses from staring at this computer screen all day. And all this is for what? Experience we say! Ha! Experiencing loss of eyesight and need for glasses, which I know dem naa pay fah! Did I mention as a temp all you get is your pay? Yeah there's that. But everyday around this time (it's now 11:15 am) MI WAAA SLEEP!

All in all, I'm grateful fi di likkle wuk still, but bwoooy, I really really reeeeeaaaallly could use some sleep!

Atleast its 8:30-4:00 on Friday. But its only Tuesday now! *bawls*

Think I need to be a teacher... I miss holidays already. Better yet, can I be 12 again please?

I Hate Failure!!!

Lastnight (Thursday March 14, 2013) I had an epiphany. I usually have many of these.
I REALLY hate failure, or even perceived failure, if I'm the person who has failed. Some people don't care, some people do but they don't get bogged down by it.

Me?

When I fail (or even feel like I've failed even if I really haven't), I like to crawl into a little hole, and nothing anyone says can get me out. I have to (by my own power) put on my big boy pants, suck it up, and climb out myself.

If you haven't noticed by now, there is no jubilant update about my expected weight gain, simply because there is none. Lastnight I went to the gym, expecting to see a decent increase in my weight, only to be hugely disappointed at the insignificant (to me) +1 pound difference. Nevermind the fact that I look and perhaps feel bigger than I was on February 19 when I returned to the gym after being out since January 30.

When I fail I feel like what I was doing is pointless and no matter what you say to me in the moment I just think I should put my time and energy elsewhere and forget about it. It's like I'm on a pointless road to nowhere when really there are only two roads to choose.

I thought about it and I realize my hatred of failure is possibly why I don't like to lose in sports and this probably fuels my naturally competitive nature. When I was a kid, I hated losing so bad, that even when playing board games, such as Egypt to Canaan (a popular Adventist game) or others, if mi lose, mi wudda bawl! You might laugh and think I was just soft, spoiled or bawly bawly, but the fact is I hated losing then, and I hate it even more now. If everybody had a theme song in life when they walked into rooms that just starts playing all around, I imagine when I walk in my song would be (LOUD TOO!):

"ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT!" Run it DJ Khaled!

I understand that you can't possibly expect to succeed at everything, yet I think I should (don't we all?), but things that I have direct control over bother me the most. Like replenishing the 6.6lbs I lost in the space of 3wks. Who knows? Maybe being absent from the gym wasn't the only reason I lost so much weight, but the fact is I don't intend for it to happen again. I guess however, that instead of looking at the half empty glass, I should look at it half full nuh true? 1 pound down, 5.6 pounds to go and beyond! Kmt...

<---- Meh.  

If I had been atleast 2 more pounds heavier I would've felt better, felt like I made real progress. But alas, I didn't. I'm at a crossroads again, wondering if I should continue with this gym thing or stop wasting my money and accept that I'm quintessentially skinny. I dunno yaa man... I cyaa bother with not reaching my goals. And the worst thing is that I don't set exoribitant, out of this world goals. I'm a pretty realistic guy, so you can see my dilemma here. I guess I just need to take this picture and make it my mantra.

Chuh yaa man! Mi still bex. Mi gone back inna mi hole. Mi cyaa find mi big boy pants.

Eventually I'll get to the point where I readily accept, build and move on from failure. Eventually. Maybe. Probably. Possibly? I hope :/

If only you knew little baby! You nuh kno yet!

190lbs, Here I Come!

Earlier this year I looked like this  ^^^^^^^^ in the gym, and ballooned to 183.6lbs. Then mi money done :/
I missed gym for 3wks, and is like mi whittle dung to nuttin! Mi did waa bawl. I was suddenly 177lbs; a WHOPPING 6.6lbs drop! But, with renewed determination (and of course, money!) I have returned! I have been avoiding the scale the whole time, but tomorrow will be the moment of truth! Gonna see if I've gotten back or surpassed where I was. I feel like I'm bigger than how I looked in this pic, but let's see how it goes!

190lbs, here I come!!!

maybe! :/

Dutty Digicel! >:(

More and more I discover that Digicel has little or no regard for its customers. No one can stop a company from changing its policies, but sheesh! A little heads up would be nice! Digicel is starting to be like Cable and Wireless of old, doing whatever they hell they want, and who waa bex bex, because they know the customers will eventually come to the conclusion that most people are using that network and therefore most folk will not switch. Well! I have HAD IT! (Still naa guh switch tho :/)



I went to the Digicel in the Transport Centre in Half-Way-Tree recently to do a SIM replacement, as the welcome letter that you receive with each sim card purchase CLEARLY states: "HAHA you think this letter means something" "If your first SIM card needs replacing for whatever reason we thieves Digicel will replace it for (REMEMBER THIS WORD!!!) >>>>FREE<<<<< as long as you have this letter or your SIM card holder to verify that the SIM card was yours. Any ADDITIONAL replacements will incur a charge." 

Y'all see it? Cool. Sorry, I had to embellish.

We all remember how the former government stupidly allowed Digicel to shut down Claro after they bought them out, then Digicel offered Claro customers the option to trade in their Claro SIM for a Digicel one. Due to how I could use the extra $100 credit each month, you know who went to do that! Mind you this was last year (February 27, 2012--I remember cause I'm cool like that) when I went to do this, and the letter CLEARLY stated the above: "If your first SIM card needs replacing for whatever reason Digicel will replace it for >>>>FREE<<<<< as long as you have this letter or your SIM card holder to verify that the SIM card was yours. Any ADDITIONAL replacements will incur a charge."

Now, imagine my surprise when the person behind the store counter gave me the attitude laced response that I have to pay $585JMD for it (a whopping $5 discount from the usual $590). Being the consumer affairs champion that I am, I asked when this policy was implemented. Her response? "For the last two years. *insert cut yeye here*" I informed her I never heard about this and she said it was since Aug 2011 to be exact. You know who bring up the letter which he got on February 27, 2012 which said: *ahem*

"IF YOUR FIRST SIM CARD NEEDS REPLACING FOR WHATEVER REASON DIGICEL WILL REPLACE IT FOR >>>>FREE<<<<< AS LONG AS YOU HAVE THIS LETTER OR YOUR SIM CARD HOLDER TO VERIFY THAT THE SIM CARD WAS YOURS. ANY ADDITIONAL REPLACEMENTS WILL INCUR A CHARGE"

A read me cyaa read or wah? And due to how I got the letter in 2012, its supposed to still be valid right?
I rushed to another Digicel in Pavilion Mall--SAME story. Checked a Digicel in Portmore, same thing.

Now, how the hell dem muss do dis?! If you sign a contract, if the company changes the policies after you have signed your contract, that doesn't matter, because what's on your contract is what matters! I told a friend about the situation and he said that this was grounds for a lawsuit, but I was like, "sure, let's go to court for a $585 replacement SIM" -____-

However, as I wrote this post, it dawned on me! The likkle dutty red bugga dem smart!
(Disclaimer: If I hav friends at Digicel, not you guys! The policy makers mi a talk!)
There's a reason we only get a welcome letter and not a contract! That way, they can do whatever the hell they want, and we can't do shit! Brilliant isn't it? Or am I wrong? Can I sue dem for my $585 with the letter? (Legal advice please!)

AAAAAAANYWAY, the point is: Digicel keeps on doing little things like this with little or no announcement and we just take it! If carrier pigeons were still a viable way of communicating in this age, a desso mi gone long time! Mi wudda all sell pigeon ya now. Chatbout.

Digicel has no respect and regard for Jamaican people, and we shouldn't stand for it anymore. Don't patronize them if you don't have to, and if you have a better alternative, use it! (if a certain citrus related company was paying me I'd so advertise them right now). When I realized that I was being told to pay for something I shouldn't, I said: "screw dat!" walked out the store, and threw away that useless welcome letter. (I did however find my prodigal SIM card so is a good thing mi neva run guh spen mi money). Its about time more of us start doing the same.