What Does a Jamaican REEEALLY look like?

The "Jamaican look"
Photo credit: traveladventures.org

A who tell people seh ALL Jamaicans are weed smoking Rastafarians that all say, "yah mon"; "no problem mon" and apparently don't speak English?
Translation: Who spread the rumor that all Jamaicans are weed smoking Rastafarians that all say, "yah mon"; "no problem mon" and don't speak English? Smh.

I remember a couple months ago I went to play basketball in a pretty Caucasian area. I think along with a friend of mine, the population of black guys in that gym was a grand total of two. Yes; just me and him (if you didn't catch that). Anyway, after playing a couple games (and losing :/) I was on the sidelines just kinda chatting to the guys who were waiting to play again. It somehow came to a point where I revealed that I was Jamaican and had just moved to New Jersey a few months prior. After hearing this one of the guys exclaimed, with the most sincerity as that of an innocent 5 year old child,

"And you learned English that fast?!"

*record scratch*

Stick a whole heap a pin.

In my mind I'm like... -_______- a weh da yute yah come from man? Clearly not Jamaica. Probably the part of America that thinks all there is in the whole word is just America, and English is only spoken there. That must be it.
I just kinda shrugged it off, you know, because I'm nice, and I proceeded to inform him that English is the language of my country. I even went on to explain that we also spoke patois, which is just broken English (as most of you know), and I pointed out that depending on where people are from in Jamaica, it could influence how they speak; as you will find that people from rural areas usually don't speak as well as those from the urban areas. Of course there are exceptions.

Anyway, it seems people in other countries don't think we speak well... or English... I wonder why?

I'm no researcher, so I just share my thoughts and opinion. I probably should research, but mi cyaa bodda. One day, but not today. My guess regarding where the perception of a Jamaican's image comes from is that the image people seem to have associated with us (as outlined in the opening remarks) probably came from Bob Marley and other popular Jamaican musicians; then everybody else in the world just ran with it and thought we all looked like that until they visited the country for themselves or saw other Jamaicans that looked different. After all, our music played a big part into the country's foray into the global stage. Wait, did I just say foray? Do Jamaicans use that word? Let me go ask that guy. Although, truth be told, he probably wouldn't know that word. But he would know that we live in Banana huts :)
For many people worldwide, they've dropped the thought that we're all rastas, but I think many still think most of us smoke weed. They say that's why we're so calm and happy all the time. Obviously they never heard of Bounty Killa.

Photo credit: urbanislandz.com

People I talked to here in the states were actually really surprised by the way Tessanne Chin looks. Last year when she was on season 5 of NBC's "The Voice", that was probably the first time several Americans saw a Chinese Jamaican. I guess they forget that there are Chinese Americans here too. I think though that every Jamaican who watched would agree that she represented us extremely well with how she spoke and carried herself. Never for a moment did she not own up her 'Jamaican-ness' and it came through several times while the whole world watched,

It doesn't help when our other stars *not calling any names, Usain Bolt* try to sound like Americans whenever the international cameras are in their faces. Although, in the latest Puma Ad on tv, the guy whose name I didn't mention actually didn't sound like he added an accent. Maybe he got the message.

In a somewhat unrelated point, I found it interesting to note that Patois really is another language, even if we only think of it as broken English, because when spoken around 'normal' English speakers, they are completely clueless as to what we're saying! When you're in another country surrounded by people who aren't Jamaican and you're in Jamaican company, try it. It's fun! You can say to anybody who's not Jamaican "look pan da ugly s'mady deh! eeeh eeeh! Him cyaa do sum'n wid dat deh hair pan him head? No sah! Him fi do betta man!" and they'll be like: "uuhhhhh... what?"

Priceless.

Not just Jamaica

As was so emotionally and emphatically pointed out by two of my Dominican friends (as in, the Island in the Eastern Caribbean and not the Dominican Republic, i.e. Haiti's neighbour in the Northern Antilles [another of their pet peeves]), MOST--not all, because of course I'm an exception--Jamaicans are apparently just as ignorant as the young man and other Americans I've encountered. They related experiences where people thought they lived in thatch houses and didn't have running water and that stuff. Like everywhere not named *insert wherever you're from here* is some poor third world country with nothing but rivers, mountains and forests. However, because I'm Jamaican and this is my blog, I get to talk about it and they don't, unless they start their own :P (it's probably not that important to them anyway).

Photo credit: www.kavionart.com

Jamaica's motto is: "Out of many; One people!"
The country is made up of people who are/are descendants of Africans, Indians, Chinese, Japanese, Europeans and whatever other ethnicity you can think of. The same bodes for other countries in the world. It's just for us to educate ourselves about other people--how they look, how they dress, their languages and culture, just as much as we'd want others to do the same with us.

Here's a video just for kicks! Not meant to offend anybody, but it's pretty funny!

My Punny Musical Story

I initially posted this to my fb timeline, but moooonths later I thought, "hey, for a spur of the moment story, sitting in a Dunkin' Donuts parking lot, it was pretty good and I should probably preserve it!" Could I find it though? Not a baxide! THANKFULLY, my blogmate, soulmate lol and friend Keneice had used it on the Sounds of Colour page and she sent it back to me... *phew*

Now, I shall have it forever. I will love it, cherish and name it Steve, because I have already named everything else George.

I was driving to the music store to Handel some business, when a real crotchet looking girl hit me in my Bach. She stopped and apologized for hitting the bass of my car and begged me not to call the police or her parents, because she would be in treble. She said she was 16 but she never looked a day over 9. In the back of her car were 3 boys. They looked like triplets.
Since the damage was at a minim, I told her I would take care of it, but she insisted on giving me a couple whole notes. She hurriedly drew up on a sheet of paper, and asked me for the time and my signature to agree to say nothing really happened.

Thinking about it now, I should have called her parents and told them what happened. Maybe they would beat her.

--Written by Alwayne Allen

Teehee! Isn't music fun? Now to go get some rest. (See what I did there?)

Photo credit: raine0211.wordpress.com

Horrible Bosses: The Triumvirate of XYZ

Photo credit: dishmag.com

I'm writing this for a friend.* Seriously. Why? Because that's what friends do! Duuuuh.

My friend has a problem. Well several to be honest. Okay, let's put it this way--my friend has one problem that can be mostly divided into three. Lets call it the Triumvirate of XYZ.

Problem X, Problem Y and Problem Z. The X and Y could possibly represent the chromosomes that are found in the divisions of my friend's problem. Z is just weird.

My friend works in an environment that is very culturally different from what he is accustomed to. My friend works for more than one department. He has a very interesting organizational structure and has to answer to multiple bosses. Sounds fun right?

Beneath the "big bosses" are a couple of sub-bosses if you will. Despite so many people to answer to, my friend gets along pretty well with everybody. He hasn't had any major issue since being at his place of employment. However, beneath these sub-bosses are people who are like their assistants/understudies. Out of the five understudies emerges the Triumvirate of XYZ.

X tends to email a lot. That in and of itself is not bad, but my friend gets annoyed that X, who sits a grand total of about 17-20ft away, will call almost immediately after hitting send, to give the same instructions that were contained in the email. 10 minutes later X will call to find out if the task was already completed, even though she said he should let her know when he's done. This greatly frustrates my friend. If he could. He would block her number. and IM... and eventually emails if necessary. He hasn't figured out how to as yet.

Y is THE WORST of all 3. Y LOOOOVES to email, copy the entire company in the email, then walk over 1 minute later to ask if my friend saw the email. My friend wishes to punch Y in the throat sometimes. Just for the heck of it. Y also believes that everything he has to do is top priority, and behave as if he works harder than everyone else, even attempting to lord his alleged 12 hour shift over my friend. Some nerve. It's not my friend's fault that he isn't allowed to do O.T.. Y would love if my friend dropped all he had to do and do all his bidding at his behest. Sounds like Y needs a minion.
Y likes to bring some impossible tasks to my friend, or things that aren't part of my friend's job to do and if my friend tries to wiggle out of it, of course Y sends another email and copies some more important people. My friend sometimes responds "ok" in email in the hope that Y will negate coming to his desk. It doesn't really work. Sometimes my friend gives Y the death stare. And a slight attitude. He's not sure if Y is aware when he's received either of the two. He intends to continue to do this.
My friend believes people should do what they're supposed to and not try to pawn their stuff on him. I would agree.

Z is very, very, weird. Z talks in a kind of whisper that irritates my friend. He also moves his head a lot while speaking. Z's boss, who is one of the sub-bosses seems to like to communicate to him and not to my friend. Z then tries to tell my friend what to do, but my friend banishes him and lets him know that his boss ought to communicate whatever is needed directly to him. If what is required entails helping out, then, and only then will my friend listen to Z. Hmm, maybe my friend should redirect his frustration to Z's boss... Hmm. oh well, Not my problem.
My friend says one time Z tried to get him to do his work. Little did he know that my friend was smarter than that. My friend got all the materials for the task, brought them to Z's desk and let him know all he needed was there. With that, my friend returned to his desk. Z never knew what hit him. Of course he had to do it. Z also likes to put on this desperate look, like he'll die if he doesn't get help from my friend/get my friend to do his work. My friend usually doesn't care for the look; and Z is still alive when last I asked, sooo... yah.

It amazes my friend that most of the actual bosses hardly require much, while their subordinates seem to be the ones always in his skin. He knows however that it is only for a time, and will continue to do the best he can, and do what he's supposed to do. If someone gets punched in the throat though, he has asked me to testify that he has been going senile. I'll let you know how that goes.

********

Finally out of this blogging slump! Mercy! I can't tell when last I wrote something! *checks* February 26, 2014. WOOOW! 7 months ago. Maaaan. Guess I really took a Sabbatical from blogging. I suppose that's how it is when you have work, church, singing, basketball, tennis, bass guitar, gym, occasional outings and whatever other randomosity you wanna put in there. I hardly watch anything on TV except for sports. I really need to do better. Ah well, till next time! Maybe then I'll write something about me, and let y'all know how things are going. We shall see!


P.S.
*This post may or may not have been for a friend.
  Also N.B. this was not a rant :)